Struggling With Internet Porn? Our Tech Support Guy Can Help

While the global pandemic is forcing us to stay in our homes with nothing to do but consume online content, it is more important than ever that the content we consume works as expected. Many of my followers have confided in me that they struggle with pornography websites. Nothing is more frustrating than buggy, unresponsive websites. And this frustration is further amplified when you desperately need to jerk off.

The following counsel is directed primarily at my male followers. Computers, Internet connectivity, and other such technical discussions are things that should not concern the fairer sex.

I am not a computer expert, and the stone, unfortunately, offers little help in this department. It is old-school technology. But fear not, for I have access to Dave, my IT guy, who knows everything there is to know about computers. I asked Dave to list the most common reasons a pornsite, or any website, fails to function as expected. This is what he told me:

How To Troubleshoot Slow Pornsites

  1. Check your internet connection. If the pornsite says “Page not found”, first verify you typed the name correctly. If you know the url is correct, try rebooting your router and modem.
  2. If the pornsite page says something like, “This page is blocked by company policy”, it means you are on your work computer. It is best practice not to look at porn while at work or while using company equipment.
  3. Similarly, if the website says something like, “This site is blocked by parental control software”, it means you are using your parent’s computer. Get your own computer, freeloader.
  4. Last resort, try rebooting your PC.

I counsel all of my followers to heed Dave’s expert advice. There are dangerous side effects to your health if you do not solve these computer problems. To illustrate these health problems, I shall use a parable. For it is by parables that wise teachers illustrate important lessons.

The Parable of the Little Factory

We each have a little factory inside our ball sack. This little factory is constantly producing a sticky, white substance called cum. The manufactured cum sits in a little storage warehouse inside the little factory until little delivery trucks arrive to take it away. If these little delivery trucks don’t arrive, the cum inventory builds up beyond capacity, and the little factory will explode. It is imperative that we avoid excess inventory buildup in our little factories.

So how do we summon the little delivery trucks to our little warehouses to relieve the pressure of excess cum inventory? There must be a demand for our gooey, white substance. This demand is provided by a little baby-making factory called a vagina. Typically, the demand from genuine vaginas is not high enough to match the little cum factory’s production. Fortunately, there are knock-off baby-making factories that also generate demand for your warm splooge. The delivery trucks do not care if demand is coming from a genuine baby-making factory or a fake one. Their job is to simply deliver the slimy, white substance to whoever wants it. The combined demand between genuine vaginas and fake vaginas will ensure that the inventory in our little factories never exceeds capacity.


By following the technical advice of Dave, and my scientific advice, we can guarantee the health of our little factories.

123 thoughts on “Struggling With Internet Porn? Our Tech Support Guy Can Help

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  43. Jakie odmiany pokera są w Polsce nielegalne? Specjalnie dla Państwa przygotowaliśmy dokładną listę nielegalnych odmian pokera. Do nielegalnych rodzajów pokera zaliczamy: Na temat rezydencji podatkowej napisano już tomy i jest to zagadnienie niezwykle skomplikowane, jednak najogólniej rzecz biorąc, możemy sformułować następującą regułę: Podatnik jest rezydentem tego kraju, w którym ma w danym momencie „ośrodek interesów życiowych”. W Polsce jest wielu entuzjastów pokerowej rozgrywki. Niestety, polskie prawo znacząco utrudnia im czerpanie przyjemności z gry. A w zasadzie całkowicie je uniemożliwia, szczególnie w internecie. Z opisanego stanu faktycznego wynika, iż ma Pan zamiar wyjechać do Wielkiej Brytanii i utrzymywać się z gry w pokera online. Chciałby Pan dowiedzieć się, jak wygląda tam sytuacja podatkowa w tym aspekcie – jakie podatki musiałby Pan uiszczać? Kiedy mógłby Pan starać się o status rezydenta podatkowego w UK i mieć zobowiązania jedynie wobec organów podatkowych w UK? Oraz jak legalnie prowadzić taką działalność w UK, czy trzeba ją gdzieś rejestrować i jak to wygląda?
    Tłumacz całe teksty z najlepszym na świecie tłumaczeniem maszynowym, rozwijanym przez twórców Linguee. Do góry Typ rozgrywki, w której każde rozdanie toczy się na prawdziwe pieniądze. Jest to przeciwieństwo turnieju pokerowego. Zgodę można wycofać w każdym czasie w sposób określony w Polityce Prywatności. Strit w kolorze złożony z najwyższych kart w talii od dziesiątki do asa. Najwyższy możliwy układ w pokerze. Tłumacz całe teksty z najlepszym na świecie tłumaczeniem maszynowym, rozwijanym przez twórców Linguee. ZAREJESTRUJ SIĘ, BY OBEJRZEĆ CAŁY FILM ślina=mate śliniak=bib ślinianka Typ rozgrywki, w której każde rozdanie toczy się na prawdziwe pieniądze. Jest to przeciwieństwo turnieju pokerowego. Poznaj zasady i reguły pokera dla odmian: texas holdem, omaha, omaha hi-low, seven card stud

  44. On the daily chart, there is a chance to see a bounce back as bears seem unlikely to drop the rate below yesterday’s low at $0.07878. Likewise, a consolidation between $0.082 and $0.084 is the more likely scenario until the end of the week. You can see the history table for Dogecoin exchange rates since 2014 on the website. An online table of the history of quotations of Dogecoin / US dollar cryptocurrency for each year since 2014 was created on this page. History of the exchange rates in the table: Dogecoin to US dollar is available every year: 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020. The history of the exchange rates of each year for months is available by clicking on the link of the year in the cryptocurrency history table. You can see Dogecoin to US dollar exchange rate for each year and for each month. Click on the link of the year.
    The top-performing year for Ethereum was 2017 when the price of ETH increased by 9,404.30% from $ 7.97 to $ 757.41. The worst performing year for Ethereum was 2018 when the price dropped by -82.42% from $ 757.41 to $ 133.16. The average yearly growth of Ethereum over the last 9 years is 1,350.98% per year. Usually, Ethereum performs best in Q1 with an average of 251.48% gain and worst in Q3 with -4.61% loss. With the recent price increases, the outstanding units of the Ether currency were worth around $34 billion as of Monday — or 82 percent as much as all the Bitcoin in existence. At the beginning of the year, Ether was only about 5 percent as valuable as Bitcoin. While Bitcoin is just a cryptocurrency, Ethereum is a decentralized platform that has its native digital currency — Ether — and can be used for several other applications such as creating games or banking apps. Ethereum’s network validates and creates new blocks much faster than Bitcoin’s network which makes transactions on Ethereum’s network faster. However, historically, the market value of Bitcoin has always been higher than that of Ether. The total production quantity of Bitcoin is limited to 21 million but Ether has no such limitation.

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